There appears to be a cutoff date for age=wisdom and I have arrived. Before you contest - "Oh, no, no, no, no. You're such a smart cookie" (you were going to say that, right?) - let me lay out my case.
My sister provides a wealth of chicken goodies every visit. I decided, in my 'wisdom', to put it all into a small, covered bucket with handle, so it's easier for me to manage one-handed (second hand has a death grip on my cane). So far, so good. I also have to carry a bucket of water in the same hand. Hmmm. Light bulb! (and what a dim bulb it was) I will float the smaller bucket in the water bucket, thus having one bucket to carry!
Off I totter to the chicken yard, practically glowing with smugness. Until I discovered that the covered bucket had small holes drilled around the bottom for gawdknowswhat reason. Soggy treats and flavored water.
My neighbor, bless him, continues to make sure that all snow is shoveled off deck and paths. With our wacky weather (rain/snow/rain/snow), most of the walkways have developed a treacherous layer of ice. As I prepared to make the daily trek to the mailbox, I briefly thought about footwear/ice. Then, poof, it was gone. Out I went. If I could have clocked my progress, it would have been about 1 mile per 2 hours. I minced my way across the yard as far as I could go - heading toward grassy/crunchy spots. Then there was the driveway - a virtual river of ice. I ratcheted down my progress and contemplated levitating. I eventually made it to the mailbox and then had to make my way back. Yak-Traks for cane bottoms should be a thing.
Let me add here that I have Yak-Traks. And they are conveniently set out by the boots. However, I thought it was wise to set off over the tundra in my moderately skid-proof boots. I rest my case.
To add insult to injury, I was recounting my adventure to the mailbox to my sister, comparing my progress as the graceful gait of a three-toed sloth (trying to smooth over the lack of sense by focusing on a much nicer visual aid), when she said, "Oh, I think it's creepy the way they move." Okay. Sloths are creepy, snails are slimy and hermit crabs move faster than I do. Any suggestions?
16 comments:
You are intrepid, I must say.
I like intrepid much more than foolish!
There is no way you should be even attempting to traverse that icy terrain! On the other hand, if you did fall (no, I'm not putting a curse on you, but I am shaking in my non-skid boots thinking of you falling and breaking a hip -- the good one, not the one that is shortly going to be replaced), your surgery would probably come sooner than Jan. 26th. I know it's so hard for you to keep functioning with your very real handicap but you really do need a keeper! (Yes, I feel like your mother with this lecture.)
You’re way too young to be my mother! But I sure appreciate the sentiment. I have strapped on my yaktraks and will keep them on until spring.
maybe you are an intrepid fool!? furgawdsake be careful!!!
Well, the bucket-in-a-bucket WAS a good idea. You just have to check your equipment next time! Glad you made it across that ice. Don't go doing risky things!
Couldn't you get a scooter, or ask the mailman to put the mail in your door, just till you get fixed (heh-heh, maybe "fixed" is the wrong word), until your operation?
Well, 19-year-old boys (and yes, I use the term intentionally) aren't exactly creepy or slimy, and I can guarantee they don't move faster than you do. But they are REALLY aggravating, not humorous. So maybe that's not the best suggestion.....
Thank goodness your sisters are coming to supervise you post op. i dread to think what you would get up to otherwise.
They don't fall and hurt yourself! Anyway your neighbors could bring your mail up to your door? Ice is never easy for sure especially when you're older for sure
There is an ice tip for canes, too. It has pointed claws. I use one.
Ice terrifies me; too many vulnerable joints. My mailbox is on the other end of town so I usually only check it once a week.
My mom used to save treats for the chickens, but she liked to feed them herself for maximum enjoyment. Now she has her own mini-flock that gets all the goodies.
OK I’m going to be the voice of doom. You go girl. I so understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and you will probably navigate it all without any incidents. However if you should find yourself slipsliding away be sure to shift your weight to see you land on your butt smacked up on the path not to the right or to the left because then you might mess up the hip. It’s logistics you know. Let us know how it goes. You have my Total admiration.
Weld those Yak Tracks on! I can relate as I am just starting down the 'hip replacement' road, starting with a telephone consult in 2 weeks. It is so frustrating to be painfully limited in doing things you've always had no issue with. I'll be following your journey with interest. All sorts of best wishes coming your way.
if by older but wiser you mean finally got old enough to realize I don't know shit, then yeah. I'm there.
here's my advice re ice...move to warmer climes. and I bet the chickens didn't care one bit that the treats were soggy.
1) I hate to say it, but Mama Pea makes an awful good point.
2) You move like a kid at bedtime.
3) https://www.amazon.com/Cane-Ice-Attachment-Fits-canes/dp/B003BQY03I
(the above could also be useful for taking quick disciplinary action against those who would add insult to injury).
You're welcome.
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