Thursday, May 13, 2010
I woke up at 3 a.m. this morning, worrying. As soon as my eyes opened, the brain snapped into gear and off it went, running lists. This is what happens when I am under a great deal of stress. The Chorus starts with the listing. As much as I dislike and try to ignore the Chorus, it's always there, lurking, hopping from one foot to another waiting for it's chance. My friend, Jordan's post about morning chores set me to thinking about my chores and how I had set myself up for stress. Once again, I was reminded about my lack of backbone when faced with using the "N" word. All you softies, over-achievers and non-delegators know which word I mean. Sometimes, even though my logical self has the "N" word on it's way to my lips, the Chorus does a quick block and jumps in with, "Why, sure I will! Love to!! Always wanted one!!!" Today I was reminded that I am not taking time to smell the roses. My Scrappy is urinating in the house because he's unhappy/frustrated/angry - all the test results are in and it's not a physical problem. I don't know how many chickens I have. I haven't scritched Juno behind the ears in weeks. My insomnia is back. So, whoa Nelly! The Universe is reaching out to me and I am going to listen. On my way to work, I passed by a woman sitting quietly on her lawn, next to her very old Lab, both looking off to the distance, her arm draped around his neck. Taking time to be together and enjoying their obvious long-time bond. It made me teary. And made me want to turn around and spend time with my two dogs, who haven't seen much of me lately. And I used the "N" word today, even though I didn't want to. But it was the right thing to do. Tonight I am going to go home and spend time with the dogs. I'm going to let Cookie drape himself over my shoulder, even though he weighs as much as a Holstein and kneads his claws in my flesh. I will not complain while Tippet head-butts me continually. I may count my chickens. It's difficult to sort out priorities when your life is so full, when there's so much to do and so much you want to do -- and when you are the only one there to do everything. But there is tomorrow. And, if there isn't, you've lived well today.