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Monday, June 11, 2012

Monday Musings.

Where do those songs come from?  The ones that pop into your head out of your internal music box's ancient history?  I had dropped something and said, "Oh, Susan."  Sigh.  "Susan, Susan bo-boosan, bananafana fofoosan, fee fi momoosan, Susan."  For those of you youngsters that think I have finally gone off my rocker, that is from a dusty old song, called "The Name Game".  It ranks right up there on an intellectual level with "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini".  Never heard of either?  Go to your room!!!  Kidding.  But where, in Heaven's name, did this song come from?  I feel like my brain has one of those jukebox-type-thingies and it whirls around of its own accord - slipping a song out of a record sleeve (never heard of those, either, have you, you whippersnappers...) and pops it onto the phonograph (oh, never mind.) 
I have been mightily musing about the nuances of denial, stubbornness, and genetic make-up.  I have plenty of both denial and stubbornness, which is enhanced by my German/English/Welsh/French heritage.  Plus, I still have that nugget of child's brain that refuses to mature.  And, let's not forget pride and ego, both of which I am not lacking, being human and all. 

By now, y'all are saying, "Yes, yes, but blah, blah, blah, what is the point here?"

The point is, I have realized that I cannot be and am not, the picture of single-homesteader-almighty that I had convinced myself that I was, is, am.  It is a shock, I tell you.  (Didn't I tell you I was Cleo, Queen of De-Nial?)  As should be obvious to anyone who has read these rambling posts for a couple of years now, I exist in a slurry of random thoughts most of the time.  I realized this was the child-nugget-brain (sounds like a great theme for a bad sci-fi movie, doesn't it?) running interference so that the mature part of my brain would not be able to focus on reality.  Wow, there's a sentence for you.

A daily conversation within my mind goes something like this:  MB (mature brain) "OMG, the goats have destroyed part of the fence again."  NB (nugget brain) "lalalalalalala".  MB:  Why am I always so tired?  NB:  Hey!  I have time to put fencing around that raised bed!  I don't have to leave for work for another 15 minutes! 

See the problem?  Well, MB has finally muscled to the frontal lobe and things are going to have to change.  Can't say that I'm not disappointed, but I am not disillusioned.  NB refuses to release its hold on the vision of Homesteader Susan Extraordinare, which is just fine with MB and me.  But, in the meantime, I've let go of the beekeeper vision and will be letting go of the dairygoatmaid vision.  I remain a fulltime employee off-stead, single person with two hands (maybe two-and-a-half, if I squint my eyes and go with NB), gardener, keeper of the homestead, shepherdess and flock tender.  And fighter of all things rodentia.  That will have to do for now.

17 comments:

  1. Sometimes we have to "edit" the version we picture for ourselves. It's better that way--more time to just ENJOY the place, rather than be a slave to it. Enjoy!
    :)

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  2. Wow, "The Name Game" song. Susan, we must be close to the same age. I'll be 60 next month (29th.)and I remember that song well. It came out when I was in the 8th. grade in 1965 ( I checked to make sure)and we drove our parents and ourselves crazy singing it for weeks, if not months. And, naturally, being stupid little boys, we would try to find names where a cuss word would come out in the rhyme. It popped into my head a year or so ago when I was playing with my grand-niece and I sang it to her with her name. She loved it. I have songs from years past pop into my head quite frequently from out of the blue. I don't care where they come from, I just enjoy them when they get here!

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  3. You are a gem. One of a kind. I'm glad you came through these musings without putting down either MB or NB. There's nuthin' wrong with you, Girl!

    P.S. You're also one heckuva writer.

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  4. Farming is hard work. And doing it alone would be even harder. You seem determined enough to farm.
    I would rather do what I can then look back and say "I wish I had."

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  5. I've always been impressed by your capacity to gracefully handle 27+ animals competing for your attention, maintain a yummy garden, cook yummier dinners and keep up with the many strong friendships you have!

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  6. Uh, I know quite a few men who solely exist with NB (which I call something else R-rated ;) I dont think they have one MB brain cell. Thats the great thing about us ladies, we can recognize our NB :)

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  7. I'm glad MB is exerting a little control over NB, as long as little NB isn't entirely squashed! We all have to realize our limitations and that we aren't/can't be/shouldn't be SuperHomesteaders!!

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  8. Sue - Yes, I'm trying to think of myself as a work in progress instead of shifty, hehe.

    Spiderjohn - Yes, sir. Right on the money. Happy birthday, early!

    Mama Pea - Likewise, my dear, in every way.

    SLF - The one thing I can say for myself is that I do not have regrets. Every experience, bad or otherwise, gives me new insight.

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  9. Jordan - Hey there! Thank you for your kind remarks - you do quite a balancing act yourself.

    Jane - Hmm. I believe I know the r-rated version, too. We women do recognize and exault our NB, don't we?

    Candy - It's a balancing act, Miss C. It's hard to rein in our forward motion sometimes.

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  10. I'm dating myself because I remember those songs too! :) I've some to the conclusion that we do what we can alone, ask for help when you can (or pay for it if you're able), barter for help or change plans. It's work either way. I feel really gratful I have summers off, as managing the garden, canning, sewing would probably not get done much with a full time job. It would be too exhuasting!

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  11. Ditto on the rest of the comments. "The Plan" must be revised and updated when new information becomes available. I bet you'll still have plenty of adventures to write about!

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  12. Ah Susan, you're a saviour! THAT song pops into my head every couple of days or so, I sing it to my cat Betty (Banana)....fee fi fo bana, bananafana fo fana.....but I only knew it from Tom Hanks stuck in the carpet in The Money Pit and as you can see, I never quite knew the 'proper' words! :-)

    You thought you were crazy?!

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  13. :) Hey Susan, it's all about living our own best lives - and maybe you ARE the super version of yourself! Don't measure your success by others. We're all different - with different make-ups, resources, experiences, skills, and so on.

    It's like this: I know I'll never be a size 4, but I'm still going to exercise and eat healthily. :)

    Hang in there. Cut back where you need to (for sanity's sake!), and cut yourself some slack too. ;)

    PS: I woke up singing Abba's "Fernando." (Ugh.) My brain-in-the-jukebox seems to pull out such interesting tunes to wake to these days... hmm...

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  14. Um, there's supposed to be a "Point" of your ramblings? Hmmm. I must have missed that one :)

    Yes, I remember the name game, but I'm not as "mature" as some of you so I guess it just got passed down the line...and because we all DID try to find a name that made the song naughty when we were in grade school.

    Whenever I think of a solo-crazy-homesteader-goddess, I think of you. And I know it's much harder than you let on. I hope your plans make your life more enjoyable, less hectic. Although it wouldn't hurt to keep it as tea-spitting-over-the-computer-screen funny, so don't stop that part.

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  15. LOL! If you were of "right mind" (what is that anyway?) you would never be able to get all the stuff accomplished that you do!

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  16. LOLOL. Darn it, now I won't be able to get the name game out of my head for at least until I go to bed! I think it's okay to envision ourselves as we'd like to be, it's just (like you point out) being able to keep a realistic perspective as well. Not always easy, but you made an enjoyable post out of it.

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  17. Those are called "ear worms!" Happy to have discovered you just this morning. :-)

    Kylee from Our Little Acre

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