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Friday, October 19, 2018

Traditions, impulses and high drama.

I was thoroughly enjoying Jenn's post about her family's tradition (read it here), when I remembered a tradition that was employed by me, my ex and two of our friends.  This would be, oh, four lifetimes ago.  I had been talked into going to a bowling party with my ex and a couple who were total party animals.   **Aside here - I am and always have been, totally, completely and breathtakingly uncoordinated **  After a couple of adult beverages for courage, I threw caution to the wind and the bowling ball in the gutter every.single.time.  In honor of this all-time low score for an adult in this particular bowling alley, I won a bottle of Cold Duck.  What is Cold Duck?  Something fizzy, alcoholic and gawd-awful sweet.  I accepted the award with aplomb, if I do say so myself, and trotted home with my prize.  I then conspired to 'regift' it to this couple (who had needled me unmercifully) at the earliest opportunity.  Therein started a tradition where, every time we visited each other's home, we secreted the bottle like buried treasure.  It got so bad that we would frisk each other before entry.  I remember one more spectacular evening when I tied a cord around the neck of the bottle, hung it outside of their first floor bathroom window, guilelessly entered their front door 'clean', and retrieved it after an appropriate period of time.  It took weeks for them to recover from finding it bobbing in their bathtub.  If I remember right, it was broken during one more adventurous episode and the tradition came to an end.  As a matter of fact, so did my marriage and the friendship, but that was completely unrelated.  I think.


*****
I am a totally impulsive person.  While this was rather adorable when I was a tot, it became less adorable as I got older and was no end of trouble through my teens and twenties.  As I have gotten older, I am both impulsive and afflicted with AAAD.  (Acquired Adult Attention Disorder.  If this is not a thing, it is now.)


Ergo:


I couldn't resist.
My justification - there is always justification - is that I am hosting a family Halloweenish party and it will add un petit quelquechose, a little something to the occasion.  AND it can shine during Cinco de Mayo!  AND I love the color orange!  AND it's a plant!


*****
The Butter Pat was trundled, once again, to the vet for a further shortening of his talons.  I disguised a sedative in his special cheese, then schlepped up the half-hour to the vet.  I'm sure I have mentioned this ad nauseum, but I love my vet - both the founder and all the young women vets.  And all the techs.  It is usually loud and boisterous when we arrive, but it was rather muted yesterday.  I handed off the slightly limp and fleece-jacketed form of the Pat to Dr. Cici and Nancy the Tech and waited in the lobby for the ensuing screams.  Luckily, there was only one half-hearted scream and that was all drama.  This also allows me to act like a complete nut job with any and all waiting patients and their patient parents.  When Dr. Cici and Dr. Hannah and Nancy came out with Mr. Drama, they thanked me for bringing him because they love him and he was just what they needed.  They had had an emergency that didn't turn out well and they were all feeling the pain and sadness.  Then they didn't charge me.  I took Mr. Happy home, wrapped him in more fleece and let him sleep it off.

13 comments:

Mama Pea said...

You may have AAAD, but you sure can write a good story! :o]

Goatldi said...

Well you have a tainted past. I always wondered about you, er, that. And yes you have a talent for writing and a sense of humor to boot.

And now with that lovely Day of the Dead decor watch your mail and I ain't saying no more about that.

Cold Duck I am rolling on the floor in hysteria. When Geoffrey and I were first together and multiple years into marriage Cold Duck was the Saturday night cocktail to go with the Appian Way pizza in a box . . .NO NOT APPIAN WAY. . . NO WAY!

People like you are what we in the veterinary business call "A+ clients". It is great therapy to see a sweet face you love on the table after a no good very bad event. Bless you.

Theresa said...

Oh my, I LOVE that day of the dead/sugar skull! Perfect for the season.
So glad the sedative worked for the pat. Less stress is always good and you got to soak in all the other critters on their comings and going!
Early in my life I got violently ill on Cold Duck and have never been able to stomach it. But I do have found memories of passing around Ripple at concerts on Boston Common. They use to call them the Sunset Series on the Commons, way, way back in the day!

Michelle said...

I'm with Mama Pea & Goatldi. I'm thinking you need a total change of career to "Extraordinarily Funny Writer" – some columnists make good money, I hear! That was a fun tradition . . . better than drinking the stuff! Bless your vet office for not charging you (I'd do it for you if I was close enough).

Leigh said...

Ha! Love that Cold Duck tradition! Not so sure about that planter though! Does it feel like it's staring at you when you're in the same room? Glad the Pat is doing better.

coffeeontheporchwithme said...

Hey, thanks for the mention!! I loved your story! Far more creative than I in your hiding ways! I've never tried Cold Duck (wasn't there also something called Baby Duck?). You've not sold me on it, either. How great that you weren't charged at the vets. How are the quail doing by the way? -Jenn

Pioneer Woman at Heart said...

I love that plant pot - day of the dead.

jaz@octoberfarm said...

the only thing worse than cold duck is getting sick from drinking cold duck! willie is another nail trimming trauma pup. he is now getting trimmed at the vet. he is really getting trimmed on thursday...neutering day!!!! gulp!

ellen abbott said...

my family had a tradition, one that I was glad to see die when my parents no longer hosted Christmas Eve dinner. when I was very small and it finally registered that christmas was about more than Santa and presents and that it was, as my mother said, Jesus's birthday, I asked at dinner why we didn't sing happy birthday if it was his birthday. so we all had to sing happy birthday. would have been cute once but my mother decided that we would have to do it every year. quite embarrassing when you are a teen and your boyfriend is there. Fortunately, when my older sister took on christmas eve dinner after our mother declared it was was too much work for her, she put the kibosh on that.

and I love my vet and techs too though I don't have to drive half an hour to get there. I always bring bundles of newspaper for them and so they rarely charge me for clipping Minnie's claws.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Great post, LOL! I don't know about Cold Duck but as teens, we used to drink this gawdawful sweet fizzy wine called Baby Duck.

Rain said...

I just read Jenn's post, too funny. I love your prank too ha ha! Believe it or not...with my sinister mind...I don't have any kind of tradition like that! THIS MUST CHANGE. :))

I would like to do a video one of these days to show you how EASY it is to do the dog's nails with that dremel. If you're giving PB a sedative anyway, you could probably do it yourself and save the time and gas money. I still have to muzzle Jack when I do his nails, because he's Mr. Growly, but my gosh it's quick and saves us lots of $$.

Love the skull!!!

Fiona said...

Fall gives us much to celebrate...at least you don't suffer from MHJS! "Must Have Jersey Syndrome"!

Ed said...

When I was a young boy, a friend and I used to hide a naked barbie doll at each other's houses when visiting. That stopped after his mom found it once before he could and had a sit down with him.

More recently my sister-in-law gifted me a creepy Pennywise the clown doll as a gag gift. It has become the "elf-on-the-shelf" in our house but long term I plan to regift it to her house the next time I visit.