1. If you are going to get a good gash on a finger, it will be your right index finger. Because you are right-handed and use it constantly.
2. The driver's side wiper blade bites the dust first. The passenger side will last for a millenia.
3. Just when one thinks the insane red bird has moved along - one comes out to find a layer of bird poop on one's car, right where the MANGO! red bird has been re-attacking his imaginary rival in your rear view mirrors.
4. To be safe, never pick up your phone to answer it. You will be sure to launch into a coughing fit. And the person on the other end of the line will insist, by asking you twenty times in a row, that you answer yes or no as to whether you are okay. I mean....really.
5. If you think you're the biggest, punkiest kid in your grade school class, be careful not to abuse the power. Everyone you push around will have a growth spurt after you have stopped growing and out-weigh you by 50 lbs. Payback is a BIODIESEL!
It's a given that, living alone, I would succumb to talking to myself. Or my dogs. Or my cat. Or my car. Once, when I was in my 20s (this should give you an idea of how long I have been, "musing") I went four days without speaking. It wasn't easy. But, when I finally said something on the fifth day, my voice sounded strange - sort of loud and recorded. It was an interesting experiment, but I prefer to talk non-stop to my dogs. Sometimes in Caninese - blah, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, blah, SQUIRREL. There are many of us who do this, if you are totally honest with yourself. I believe that Felinese is totally different: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. That's because they do not listen to us at all. They don't care what we say, how we say it, or what we mean. We are there to proffer food and clean litter pans. Don't get any uppity ideas with cats.
Spending most of my prior adult life as an apartment dweller, I was always desperate for livestock. So, whenever possible, I would house the most exotic thing I could find (that was non-six-legged, non-slithery, and non-furry in a creepy way) in my living room. Besides a delightful array of cats, I had fish, hermit crabs, turtles, Chinese button quail, and a skunk. This was usually without the knowledge of my landlord, which was not often a problem since, being an art student, my apartments were not the type that were often visited by the landlord. I would rate the early ones as just a half-step up from a tenement. I did love that skunk, though, even if he carried with him the slight aura of eau d'peuuw. But he was not fond of strangers and would bite me if he got alarmed. Which was often -- and painful. I finally had to take him back out of a sense of self-preservation.
Segue into my last semi-tenement apartment in Cleveland Heights. I was in my third year of art school (and unknowingly my last, as the school suddenly went bankrupt and closed), living in a one-bedroom apartment that would have given a NYC studio flat a run for it's money, size-wise. It came furnished. There was a chair upholstered in avocado green plastic, with a matching sofa. This sofa was the most unusual piece of furniture -- when you sat in it and leaned against the back, you were left looking up towards the ceiling. And it was designed that way! I also had a linoleum covered table, two chairs, and a platform bed without the platform. I think I paid $150/month rent. There were a lot of classmates in that building and, since none of us had two nickels to rub together, we would pool our money for meals and I would go out and buy the food and cook it. Invariably, we ate spaghetti and red sauce. And drank from gallon jugs of Gallo wine. We never got schnockered because we could only afford one bottle a week and there were a lot of us. As I cooked the pasta for these almost-daily meals, I would throw a noodle against the wall to see if it would stick. If it stuck, it was al dente. Long story not short enough, after about a year and a half, the landlord decided to go upscale and we were all thrown out. Our parting gift was to frame the spaghetti painting on the wall and all sign it. It's probably worth millions now.