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Friday, September 2, 2011

Just me, out there in the Universe.

There are times when I feel myself all pinched up.  There's stress, of course.  Then there's just me.  Slightly obsessive/compulsive, slightly paranoid, slightly giddy, completely guilt-ridden (hold-over from childhood - one of those hold-overs that stick to you like Velcro), total worry-wort.  I usually notice the squeeze while I'm driving along the plateau road, on my way home.  I will glance down at my dashboard and notice the "Breathe" note that I have taped to it.  Then I realize I am hardly breathing.  I mean, really, truly breathing.  Nice, big inhales/exhales.  Not that one should necessarily go around like a full-blown accordion.

When this feeling hits me, I have taken to mentally opening up to the Universe.  Just opening everything - mind, heart, breath.  It is an amazing feeling.  A wonderful feeling.  It doesn't last as long as I would like, but I love every second of it.  This is quite a reach for me, as I am a natural sceptic and have been since I was in single digits.  Just ask my Sunday School teacher.  My friend, R, is my polar opposite.  She is open completely to the Universe and all its possibilities.  I have spent the last five years watching in amazement as she has gone through a painful separation and divorce, breast cancer and living below the poverty level through all of it.  She is totally confident that the Universe will provide.  She is fearless and loving.  I really am in awe of her and I owe these little forays into the great unknown to her example.

Not sure what prompted this post -- bread withdrawal?  It's probably due to the fact that I'm the only one in Albany, NY working on this day before the holiday weekend.  I used to get into trouble when I was bored.  Now I expand my mind. 

8 comments:

  1. Hey while most are downing beers, your doing a little self reflection. I think your way is a far better way to spend the holiday. But a beer wouldnt hurt either ;)

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  2. wow-you sound like my double only I could not do the drive. very ingenious of you to put up a note to remind yourself to breath. I suffer from panic attacks and never got rid of them.My last Dr. took off into the sunset and took a sabbatical and was going into holistic medicine. She was just showing to and even used one of our visits to show me a sort of yoga technique-now I can't find her,darn,I would have followed her to the ends of earth if she would have continued to help me.I went my whole life like this I guess a few more won't matter,I still get the important things done

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  3. You and your friend are meant to be. Opposites attracting one another because you NEED her and she needs you.

    Glad you caught your breath. Let it out!

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  4. I think I identify with your feelings completely, I too am wound pretty tight, which is hubby's "nice" way of putting it! Maybe I need a note taped up too!

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  5. I have on word for you........YOGA!

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  6. Sorry you worry so much it effects your breathing. Maybe you need some soft music to play and listen to and breathe or like Sylvie says "Yoga"..
    Have a Tiggeriffic Day~! ta ta for now from Iowa:)

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  7. Wow. Learning to open up to the Universe. How fantastic to be able to put yourself in that spot. (Do I have to unclench my jaw to learn to do that?)

    Sylvie, I've tried both yoga and QiGong. Both of them 'bout drove me crazy. I've got too much to do to spend so much time doing nothing. (Yeah, I know. That's a big part of my problem, huh?) :o}

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  8. I relate extremely well to this post. It's hard to let go and just give yourself up the the universe, but when you do (for those few moments it works)--it's a magical thing. I wish you some lovely peaceful moments today.

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