Friday, September 19, 2014

Freaky Friday.

It's been a long week, filled with mostly lows.  Not that we didn't fight hard for some highs.  Sleep has eluded me most nights this week, as I am listening so intently for any sound from the sick room.  This has led to an odd shift in my schedule.

Dewy spider web in the mint
this morning.
Yesterday, I was back up to the vet early in the morning.  A new course of meds were prescribed and we returned hopeful.  They did not help, however.  As these new meds had to be given mid-day, I took a mental health day and spent it intermittently checking on Cookie and ripping things out of my garden.  There is something so cathartic about ripping out dying tomato plants, especially when you're thinking about ripping the liver out of the Universe.  Nice visual, no?

The dogs and cats have been clinging to me like various sized-strips of Velcro.  I don't know how many times I almost squashed Pepper.  They know something is amiss.  When I was done cleaning out the garden, I turned my wrath on my bags of broccoli and froze most of it.  Then I whirled around and ripped out noxious weeds in the sheep pasture.  Then I raked grass seed in with fury and muscled the lemon and fig trees inside (temps in the low 30*s forecast for this morning).

I was exhausted but, I didn't want to sleep.  I assume this was because I thought that I could conjure up some miracle by sheer fortitude.  Well, I couldn't.  At midnight, when I awoke the first time, I got up, bundled up, snapped on my headlamp and moved the youngster chickens to their halfway house.  One would think, being chickens, that they would be all loggy and limp.  Not.  These are the screaming and fainting variety, no matter what the description of the breed said.  But they are moved.

Then I came in and went back to bed and to sleep.  Until 2.  Then I forced myself to sleep and was sorry I did.  Two and a half hours of diabolical dreams had me willing myself awake at 4:30.

I made the call to the vet this morning.  Cookie has not eaten anything since Monday.  He can't keep anything down.  He is like an 85 year old man with extreme anemia.  We had a talk this morning, Cookie and I.  I explained everything as best I could and he didn't seem to complain.  I will sure miss my Pollyanna Man.  A beautiful, loving and endlessly cheerful guy.


Fiona said...

You know it was the right thing to do but my heart goes out to you. The blessings God gives us come in so many forms and most often with Fur.

"A Cat's Prayer"

If it should be, that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then, you must do what must be done
For this, the last battle, can't be won.
Don't let your grief stay your hand,
For this day more than the rest,
Your love and friendship stand the test.
We've had so many years,
What is to come can hold no fear.
You'd not want me to suffer, so
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me to the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you'll see it is a kindness you do for me
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Don't grieve it should be you who this thing decides to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold tears.
Author: Unknown

Vicki said...

I'm so sorry. Having made the same decision for my beloved dog just days ago, I understand how hard it is. But they are no longer suffering. We loved them enough to let them go.

Michelle said...

No matter how "right" the decision is, ending a beloved pet's life always FEELS wrong, because losing them IS wrong. Our hearts tell us they should be around forever, giving us their unconditional love....

MrsDuncanMahogany said...

Ach, that's hard. Never an easy decision, but sadly the right one. Bye Cookie, have fun in your next adventure.

Susan said...

Fiona - Thank you for the lovely poem. I will read it when I can get through the whole thing.

Susan said...

Vicki - It's been a tough slog. I lost my dear dog just before Christmas. I know I am setting myself up by adopting older dogs and cats, but it really is worth it.

Susan said...

Michelle - That is so, so true.

Susan said...

MDM - He deserves a great new adventure. He was a great cat and friend.

LindaCO said...

Oh Susan, I'm so sorry. Will be thinking about you and your fur family. Hugs from afar.

Mama Pea said...

I am so, so sorry that it was time for Cookie to go. And so proud of you for having the love and courage to keep him from suffering. If only there were some way that our beloved pets and companions could stay with us until we were all ready to go together. I know that may sound a tad weird, but we have to go through losing so many of them in our lifetimes. And it hurts so much. Sending hugs to you, dear Sweezie.

Buttons Thoughts said...

Oh I am so sorry about Cookie. That is the hardest decision anyone has to make. Hug B

Pioneer Woman at Heart said...

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Sue said...

So very very sorry about this. Hardest damn thing ANYONE would ever have to do, no matter how right the decison is. Big hugs to you.

DFW said...

Only you know when the decision must be made & you made it with Cookie. Fiona's poem says it all.

Florida Farm Girl said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. That's the hardest decision to make and it hurts like the dickens, but it was time and you did what was best for Cookie. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Carolyn said...

Love & Hugs.

Anonymous said...

It's always gut-wrenching to say good-bye to a beloved pet, no matter how long or short a time they've been with you. You've earned a special place in Heaven, however, for giving older animals a loving home in which to live out their days.

Judi said...

Thinking of you and the rest of the crew.

Joy said...

I am SO sorry, Susan. The worst decision to have to make. Thinking of you.

mtnchild said...

He will be waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for you to come home too. He will wait patiently with God's help because he will miss you too.
Lots of Hugs for giving Cookie his freedom. Bless you Susan.

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Sending you a big hug, Susan. It is never easy to say goodbye to a pet even when it is the right thing to do.

Unknown said...

Hugs, I'm so sorry about Cookie. It's always so hard to lost a furry friend...

Sandy Livesay said...


Sending you love, and hugs.

Deb said...

I'm sorry to hear that you lost Cookie. It is dreadful having to say good-bye to our cherished pets. I think it is the hardest thing to do. Sending a hug, Deb