Here is a typical conversation (monologue) I have with my best audience (the dogs/cat) during inside morning chores:
"Ooooo, Binkers! Is that a lightly flipped egg on your green sludge? Whoa! Down boy - no leaping! Okay, Lovey-dovey, here's your egg and sludge, too. Now, try to chew something. (Sound of Hoovering). (Insert sigh.)
"Hm. Slimmie liked his dry food yesterday. And I see that he's slopped half of his wet food all over the floor. I should clean that up. I wonder if I should be feeding him something else. Rachel Ray has a good brand and she's local. Of course, Purina - who has made billions on the back of pet owners over the years - is his fav so far. But, then, shouldn't I be supporting a local person? Wait. Should I be supporting a local "celebrity" person? Someone who is also on her way to making millions off my back? What would Slimmie think of a change? Cripes, the last time I had a moment of social consciousness and changed his wet food from his Friskies Tasty Treasures to that really, really expensive cat food in tiny cans, full of very, very special ingredients like greens hand-picked off the sides of mountains by monks in Tibet, he hated it. (Insert sigh) I just have to face the fact that my cat prefers a McDonald's diet and I'll just have to slip in the best stuff I can. I wonder who has the best coupons..."
"Okay, everyone! Time for Cheesies!!! (Insert sound of mad scrambling and too-long toenails on vinyl flooring) Ha, you guys don't even know I'm slipping you a mickey (Benedryl for Binkers and pain pill for Lovey) because you DON'T CHEW!"
Looks down to see Slimmie, who has inserted himself between the dogs and waits, expectantly.
"Of course you want a cheezie, Slimmie. It's Velveeta, you heathen." Slimmie takes his bit of cheezie and gums it madly. (Insert another, longer sigh).
I am lucky that both dogs are not picky - AT ALL - about what they eat. As long as it's forthcoming in a steady stream, they are happy. Slimmie is just a homie with a homie's taste. Our favorite Santa Claws from PA sent him a packet of very special treats for Christmas - freeze-dried minnows! After he got over his initial fear of them, he then tentatively took one in his jaws and walked around with it for a half hour, growling. Unfortunately, by then it had thoroughly rehydrated and fell to pieces and he lost interest. The Binkers was on it like a cheap suit. That dog can hear the lid of the whipped cream can flip off, or the whisper of minnow pieces falling on carpeting and be there in an instant. I can stand on the back deck and yell his name (and many other 'colorful' names) in full voice, and he cannot hear me. It's a mystery (to no one).
*****
So, how did I spend my Tuesday night? I'm so glad you asked! I spent my Tuesday night making a tarp slipcover for the Quail Hutch. This should come as no surprise from the same woman who fashioned an apron out of duct tape. I had carefully measured it (more than twice), cut out all of the pieces and duct-taped them together, being careful to duct tape the hems - as is done in The Trade. Then I realized that I had to put it on the hutch to finish the corners. Ah. There was just one tiny problem with that - heavy snow and gusty winds. While this should have taught me that procrastination has a heavy price, it won't. I am doomed to repeat my limitations forever. Amen. I did manage to slip it over the hutch (it fit!) and then had to bungee the sides down. Now that I am so close to finishing it, I am sure we will have some sort of awful weather every single day until spring, so I can't complete it. I will take a picture of it at some point - when I can get over flagellating myself... We're bracing for Arctic temperatures for almost a week - joy. That means the wool blanket curtains are back in the coop as of tonight - I have to work in the dark so as not to be blind-sided by The Jerk. Wish me luck.
18 comments:
The Jerk?? What did I miss?
It's that damn rooster, Mama Pea. He's taken to blind-siding me (luckily, his spurs are not fully developed) and I've reached the end of my leash on that. Lucky for him, I haven't decided how to dispatch him yet.
We are getting Arctic weather here. Brrr.
And after days of rain! Should be exciting, trying to get around.
Mild here
Yes, cats are soooooo much pickier than dogs in what they will and will not eat. My cat HRH never showed any interest in Cheezies but if I ate a cherry turnover, she'd be right in my face, eating bites off the turnover with me.
Wow. I have never heard of a cat that would eat a cherry turnover. But then, again, HRH was so much more than a cat...she was a goddess!
Oh right, The Jerk aka that &*%^$! rooster. You know how to dispatch him. It's just working up the courage to do it. Please put on your BGP and do it before he actually harms you. He can and will, you know.
Duct Tape: That apron was soooo funny! It took the prize out of all them you insisted we make. Those were the good old days. Sigh. (I miss Jane and Carolyn Renee and Erin so much.)
Mild here, wishing for a little snow
willie is the gulper here. i dropped fresh spinach on the floor the other day and he ate it. not that it's bad for him,; it just means he will eat ANYTHING!!! i speak to him every day about slowing down and actually chewing but it gets me nowhere.
Oh, Mama Pea, I miss them too. Those were the days, weren't they? And still, we slog along... :) Yes, I know what has to be done. Just haven't had the time or opportunity, but it will have to happen soon. That coop is too small for the two of us.
Nancy, we just got snow on Wednesday, on top of inches of rain! Now it's going to be brutal. I so long for a good, old-fashioned winter where it wasn't either spring or winter in the same week.
Lovey hesitates just enough to avoid vegetables! Not Peanut - he's a heat-seeking missile when it comes to anything that hits the floor.
Woman, hang on to one last piece of plastic packaging that you can rustle in your hand every time you call the German submarine – that'll bring him!
That is absolutely brilliant!!!
Serious head slap here...WHY have I never thought of Velveeta and have been foisting fine cheddar on the beasties instead. Shoot. Freeze dried minnows???!! Who knew. I will say there is nothing like competition to keep the hindering horde snappy and happy about mickies in treats. Good luck with the quail hutch cover. When do you finally jettison the jerk? Sounds like chicken soup weather up your way, and skating!
we used liverwurst to pill our boxer back in the day. the current pooch is still young enough not to need pills and she snarfs down her heartworm med like it's dog candy. fortunately, I've never had to pill the cat. sunny and very windy out here today.
Struggling outside with something huge like a tarp and in foul weather, were you singing "I Am Woman"?
ROFL! I so miss having dogs!!! So hysterical....
Oh my God. You are so funny - and yet so true. "Chew" ... not likely. I am the "grandmother' of 3 dogs. I think their teeth are just for decoration - EXCEPT when they steal something like a knitting row marker off the floor and as you are chasing them down the hallway to dig out the row marker from the dog's mouth, you hear a crunch! By the time you get into the mouth, the stolen item is gone - all pieces of it!! When his owner (my son) comes home and he learns what happened in his absence, the dog is carted off to the ER vet. As luck would have it, the ER vet was a knitter. When she saw the size of the row marker (I sent him with a picture), she said because it was small - and because the dog was big - a full size English Bull Dog, the pieces should pass thru without problem. So my son got to do poop checks for a few days. He was not amused - but I laughed a lot. AND he still asked me to dog sit his mutts. And they just love "granma."
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